I was 11 years old when she was killed, she was 48. At the time she passed I had all the cookie cutter answers that I was taught in primary. That she had returned to our Heavenly Father, that her injuries from the accident no longer afflicted her. That someday I would be reunited with her, that our family was eternal and we would be together again. I still believe all those things and know that all of those cookie cutter answers are true. But some days, like today, I am reminded of how long it has been since she was apart of my daily world. And I ponder on how things might have been different for me had she been here longer. I can see a lot of similarities and personality traits that I have acquired from my Dad, but on occasion some sweet lady from church will whisper to me that I've done something that reminds them of my mother and how sweet and kind she was. These quick quiet compliments are such a boost to me, and help me feel a little closer to her. I found this quote and really liked it from Elder Ballard, “I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood. There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family."
I think that my mother faced the challenge of not being physically present in my everyday life. She left me a wonderful example of living a gospel centered life. I'm grateful for the example of womanhood she left for me, and I'm grateful she is my Mom.
5 comments:
was this picture taken on the trip when the accident happened? i've never seen it before. what a treasure that you have it. it's so nice that people at church will mention being reminded of your mom. i think that kind of stuff is so special and important to hear. it totally sucks that you weren't able to have her here with you while you grew up. i wish everybody would get together and talk about her sometime. i emailed back and forth with my mom about her on my dad's birthday. she told me memories of her I had never heard and I thought they were so special. i hope your day is alright
I have been thinking about this "anniversary" for quite a long time but hadn't thought about it being today until Bethany emailed me about your blog post. What nice thoughts you've expressed and I too love the picture and haven't seen it before that I remember. I'm so glad that people tell you that something you do is like mom. She is a gracious, beautiful, kind woman who I wish I could be more like. The thing that was just amazing to me is that she never yelled in anger - never. She would yell down the street to call us home but never when she was upset. My kids sure can't say that about me. She was also such a good friend. I remember sitting and talking to her for hours. She was always supportive and a constant beacon for what was right and good. I have thought often about how young she was. I'm now 5 years older than she was when she died. Thank goodness for our knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and eternal families. It will be so wonderful to hear her voice again and sit down and talk to her. I, too, am so grateful that she is my mom.
This picture was taken on the trip to Nebraska that mom and I took in the summer of 1978. We flew to Nebraska just the two of us. I don't know why just her and I went but I'm so grateful for this trip. We spent one evening at a cabin by a river visiting her childhood friend Betty Simonton (sp) I think. Anyway I had just got my first camera and took lots of pictures on that trip.
I wish I had the memories that Linda has of long talks and conversation with mom. But due to birth order, I don't have those type of memories. I have memories of homemeade bread and working in the garden and canning fruits in the summertime. Making goody plates at Christmas, her smile, her closed eyes in pictures, her gracefulness on a horse and awkwardness on a bike, and of course hearing typewriter go full speed as I went to sleep. I think we should compile our memories and make a book of them so we can have them to read and share with our children who never got to know her.
Maybe I will do that and try to get us Hay girls to journal some memories of mom.
I obviously never met your mother but you are making me bawl! I'll blame it on the pregnancy hormones. I'm glad you have such wonderful memories of your mother. I can't imagine going through life without mine. Thank you for posting this. It's a good reminder to me of how important it is to cherish the time we have with the ones we love.
-Susanna
I always seem to miss your blogs posts when they happen. I guess I havent been staying up to date.
Every time I think about how you lost your own mom so young, I am so grateful that I have you in my life. I can't imagine the strength you have in order to have triumphed through such a trial as that.
I would love to have a book of memories of Grandma, that would be so special to me since I only know things about her from the little bits people mention.
I am so thankful for you. I love you mom.
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